i know i’ve said it before, but change is hard for me. not the hardest thing, but hard. because i become attached to places/people/things quick. i spend a bit sad, wishing for the way things had been. and then i warm up to this new thing, and love it with everything. and then the thought of leaving, breaks me. and that is where we are. this bed i am on right now, it is only mine for five more nights. and i only get to look out my window to HUG mountain for five more mornings. and then i have these two weeks of nonstop. of go. go. go. and GO. and then it is this place that hasn’t been permanent since 2010. and i can’t make it permanent without being who i was then. and that person was to sad to be a person again. so it is GO again. and with my heart breaks other hearts. and there goes my heart breaking again. but i have these people who are feeling like my heart is. and for that i am thankful. and i know good intentions are not always followed through, but these will be. these will because if they aren’t we will all have these hearts that are so broken they can’t be fixed. because a heart that has grown as big as ours have, can’t go back to a place they don’t fit. they’ll be scrunched and squashed down until the crack and split. so they must find a way to be together, to find a place where all these big hearts can live and grow. and remember, but mostly keep going. say, those were the things that started this…but these are the things that are now. and these things are just as beautiful and just as full of wonder. because god doesn’t limit himself to israel, and doesn’t only show himself through beautiful people who can’t speak words you understand. he is in race st and on the front lawn. and there are things in those around us too beautiful to be comprehended. and these big hearts are going to have to hold each other, and wipe tears, and say remember when. and drink tea and eat nutella and hold hands and make calls to far away places.
because too many things happened here to not be remembered.